This past week Lincoln University in Pennsylvania has been in the news for its passing of a required fitness course for all students who have a bmi of 30 or above.

There have been many different takes on this issue; the one at the front is the motivation behind why an almost all black university would begin to weight its students has led many to believe that it has been pressured to do this with all of the stereotypes surrounding the African American community and their health.

I think its more than that, first and foremost why is this not a required course for all students? Personally, I think that most people in that age group are not educated on their health and how to be healthy. A class that focuses on educating all of their students on how to live a healthy lifestyle is important but only limiting this to a certain group is just plain and simple prejudice. Second, it should be established that weight itself is not an indicator of good health by any means. Lifestyle should be looked at not weight.

For a university to make a rule that discriminates against a certain portion of their population based on this idea is completely wrong and without facts.

I would also ask who is teaching the classes, and what their own educational background is. This seems far too much like the required gym classes that I had to suffer through in grade school. There a 12-minute mile meant you were completely healthy.

Over the past few years I have gained some of the best friends that I could ever ask for, but even with them I feel as though something is missing. To be blunt all of my friends are thin, and although this isn’t something that bothers me being the clichéd ‘fat friend’ doesn’t make me feel lesser a person than them or feel as though I am not as good as them. There are points when I just wish for once that I had someone that felt as I do about fat while understanding completely what it is like to be fat. To have fought the struggle within yourself while dealing with the world as well.

Basically I wish I had a fat friend. One that doesn’t wish they were thin, or constantly talk about dieting and weight loss. Someone who understands completely why I only go to the mall when absolutely necessary or when I need shoes, since that is the only thing I can find anywhere.

Talking about these things has become increasingly frustrating leaving me wishing for more as I feel like I have to hide part of myself when around others who do not understand where I am coming from. It normally leaves me biting my tongue while watching tv shows who have emaciated girls on them. Something that I normally avoid due to my aversion to watching tv that doesn’t represent normal women, let alone me. No where in media am I represented like my friends, no where can I think that while watching project runway can I imagine myself wearing the clothes that the people design, because the chance of it coming in my size is slim to none.

I have no idea how to deal with all of these things when I always leave situations feeling as though something is missing. I want someone to go clothes shopping with and not feel left out when I’m never invited. The one few times I have gone, I followed along standing in the corner with the moms while my friend shopped in a store where I probably didn’t fit their socks. It would be nice to have someone that could go with me and dare I say try on clothes with me.

At this point I know I sound like I’m on a woe is me rant but there is this small part of myself that wishes for someone to understand completely what it is like to walk down the street and have someone scream ‘fat ass’ out of their car at you. Or to be ignored when walking into a clothing store that may or may not have clothes fit me. Or to understand the battle I have within myself to wish that others did not judge me based upon my appearance knowing that they do, often, everyday.

To not feel as though I am crazy for bringing these topics up.

There are so many different ways a person can learn to loath or hate the way they look. To feel as though they are somehow inferior to others due to their outward appearance and made to believe that they need to change themselves in order to be a better person. I have often asked people why they feel as though they need to change themselves on the outside to improve who they are. The answer is something that I have begun to expect,

“Wouldn’t you want to be the best person you can be? Shouldn’t we constantly strive to be better?”

The answer probably doesn’t surprise anyone, but the implications that our outward appearance shows how in some form how good of a person we are makes me think that we have our own personal ideals skewed. As a child we are often told to be kind and caring, to be polite and think of the golden rule. Do unto others, as you would have them do unto you.

To treat others with dignity and respect.

As we grow it changes, we are taught that we should be independent, which in many ways means to only care about ourselves and the goals at which we think are important no matter who suffers for our carelessness. When we do this we are really taking part of the socialization of a generic set of ideals that we are told to live by. We leave the kindness and caring part of who we were taught to be as children for the harshness of a world where physical perfection can become debilitating when you do not meet those standards.

We learn to in fewer words hate who we are, instead of seeing our strengths and positive qualities we look at our weaknesses, seeing only the gaps at which we must hurl ourselves across to ascend into perfection land. Along the way we take down others by pointing out their own imperfections to make ourselves feel less different. We do not see their good qualities that make them decent human beings but see who we think they should be.

My main thoughts lies within how we can personally combat this unproductive and hurtful process. Our own personal self-hatred manifests into fear of others when they have qualities that we ourselves are scared of becoming. Can we just acknowledge this and move on? Or should we instead learn to focus on our own strengths and personal qualities that make us a good person on the inside, not the way we look on the outside. At the same time doing this for others we meet, looking into how they hold traits that we believe make them a good person and realizing that perfection is unobtainable.

So I’ll ask this, what would happen if we spent the time to conscientiously do this? In many ways I have spent the last few years trying to turn off the part of myself that wants to look at another person or myself and judge based on their weaknesses, physical or not. What I have found is the ability to truly appreciate the good people that surround me and leave the negativity or pettiness to the wayside. It has allowed me to see myself for who I am and feel comfortable with my uniqueness by reducing my own self-hatred to something that only sparks up occasionally.

It is a never ending process but one that is far easier to fight when I know it is there, and not swept under the rug like so many of us try to do.